Suffering from low self-esteem is not uncommon in today’s society.
There are many reasons for this, the most common in my opinion are:
- feelings of not belonging
- feelings of incompetence- self doubt
- pressure to do well
This is especially prevalent in a university setting. There’s always the pressure to achieve a certain grade but the self-doubt you harbour can lead you to think that you simply aren’t good enough. Feeling incompetent can very easily lead you to believe that you don’t belong there in the first place. Everyone experiences it.
But the low self-esteem that I wish to address today is as a result of feeling as though a certain group of people are better than you.
I was talking to a friend who admitted this to me and at first I thought it was absurd! After all, this is a time where everyone is doing their best to celebrate their Melanin Magic. But the deeper into the discussion we got, the more relatable this situation became to me. If you can relate, then you already know where this is going.
Some have always felt that they’re competing against this group; running an involuntary race they never thought they could win. Maybe this is down to upbringing, society, the media etc., but whatever it is, even though we know deep down in our hearts that what differentiates us could never actually contribute to our capabilities, it still creates mental obstacles for us that have adverse effects on our confidence.
I’ll try to put this in simpler terms to help you visualise and understand my point.
Person A:
- 25 year old
- Master’s degree
- 3 years’ worth of work experience
- Senior position at large firm
Person B:
- 25 year old
- Master’s degree
- 3 years’ worth of work experience
- Senior position at large firm
On paper, these two individuals are exactly the same. They have the same qualifications, the same experience and are even working the same job. This means they are both equally deserving of the position and are both equally capable. Yet because Person B belongs to a different group, Person A has convinced him/herself that he/she is somehow inferior. Person A did not need to be told outright that he/she was inferior- he/she just needed to be isolated enough to feel like a ‘special case’ or fluke.
When I wrote my post Differences Matter, I identified a potential root cause. The more we advance in the world, the fewer people we come across that look like us. We’re no longer surrounded by people that share the same skills or talents and represent us at the same time. Maybe we don’t believe we can do certain things because we haven’t seen people like us do it before.
The simple solution to this problem is to believe in yourself, but this is easier said than done. The battle of the mind is always the toughest.
A more practical solution:
Verbalise positive thoughts
Do this daily to remind yourself of what you deserve and your capabilities
Set milestones
You don’t need to be better than Person B, instead be better than the Person A of yesterday. Tracking your personal progress can help to make you feel more qualified.
Build a support system
This could be family, friends or even colleagues that remind you of your achievements and support you through tough times. J Cole’s song Apparently is a prime example of this. Sometimes you need other people to believe in you to remind you of why you need to believe in yourself.
There is no quick fix and there are times where it is very easy for me to fall back into modes of uncertainty and self-doubt. But I have to learn to focus on my own path.
So I write this to those whom circumstances in society have succeeded in brainwashing into thinking that you are never enough: you are more than enough, you just need to believe in yourself!
All the best,
Tisha x
#Schmile
Apparently…
You believe in me,
and I thank you for it.
J Cole, Apparently, 2014 Forest Hills Drive
ayyy this J Cole theme is lit haha 😀😀
I had to 😂thank you 💙
Great point about focusing on yourself and wanting to be better than you were yesterday. Nice post! 👍🏾
Thank you so much for reading!💙
This was written straight to the point without having to call out a specific group or another. This can happen in sooo many different instances. The solutions you listed are definitely applicable to helping combat these feelings
Agreed- SO many situations! Glad it was helpful! Thank you for reading 💙
This was a really good read! Self esteem and positive affirmations are so important. Especially these days. We’re so hard on ourselves. It’s okay to move at your own pace and do what’s best for you. Regardless of what others are doing!
Totally agree with moving at your own pace- it’s vital! Thank you for reading 💙
Verbalising positive thoughts is so important. Really gorgeous post x
Thank you m so much for reading!💙
Really loved this post. We all at some point will end up measuring our success or progress against that of others, be it in career, academics, relationships or even health. I am happy for the reminder you just provided in this post, and your advice on the steps you provided.
Glad you enjoyed reading, thank you so much!💙
I loved this post! I’m always searching for the meanings behind a song. 💜
Thank you!💙I can’t be sure that this is the meaning, just my interpretation 💙
Great read. Yes we all need to believe in ourselves. other than God, it is the only way we can get along in this world.
Yes!!! Thank you so much for reading 💙
I love J-Cole to death! So this was a win for me! I also struggle with the low self esteem you’ve discussed, so this is mighty helpful to help me get on track! Thanks for this!
Aaaay ColeWorld! Glad it can be helpful- thank you for reading!💙
Thanks for the great post! My self-esteem is still very low but I found out that setting small goals and not being way too hard on myself really helps. 🙂
All the best!!! Thank you for reading x
Good article! The need to have others affirm our identities is a stumbling block for many.
Thank you for reading! It certainly is- we need to be able to affirm our own identities x
I love this! I think everyone needs a reminder that you are enough and capable of doing what you want if you believe in yourself. Well written.
Glad you enjoyed it! Thank you very much x
Self focus is SERIOUSLY key! Although we all do it, feeling inferior to someone else’s accomplishment is a recipe for disaster.
xx,
Aïchatou Bella
http://www.stilettosandstandards.com
Really great read. I find this way of things has no age. You give some great tips.
Thank you so much! Happy to hear you enjoyed it 💙
Amen!! Definitely needed this today!
So glad it was helpful! x
I compare myself to others like this so much! This was definitely a good read!
Thank you for reading! 💙Comparison is the thief of joy!
Such a good read! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for reading!💙
Love the J.Cole reference, love the quotes, love the whole content. This was nicely done and your message well received😊
Thank you so much! Pleased to hear it!💙
Hi Tisha,
I will share this post with my cousins!
Thank you! I hope they enjoy it 💙
Hi there! I really enjoyed reading your post, many young people suffer from low self-esteem and try to compare themselves to what they see on social media. I like that you are inspired by J Cole because he is one of my favorite artist and he likes to talk about real life issues people face on a daily bases. Keep up the good work!
Aaaay another Cole fan- love it! Thank you so much for reading, I’m glad you enjoyed it!💙💙💙
Lol, you are very welcome!
The jcole quotes made it so easy to digest and you made some very real points here. I’ll definately be sharing this post with my friends!
Thank you so much!!!😊
Enjoyed this post very much! I relate to everything in your post and struggle with this all the time. It is horrible feeling to doubt yourself and I love that song you referenced. It is a great song and I think that it holds so much truth and positivity about making your own way! I have always felt like I never got into the expectations of society or others I know and people frown upon it but I have tried doing things their way and none of it ever made me happy. So now I have started a new blog and I am working toward trying to dance to my own beat. I still have my challenging days but I try to remind myself that it’s ok to be different!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for reading! I’m also very pleased that you decided to be different and do things your own way- it’s the only way you can become the beat version of yourself, not a mediocre version of what society wants/expects you to be! All the best 💙
Thank you!
I can completely relate to this post. I was the person with low self esteem, despite the master, the position… and accepting myself has been critical in helping with the self esteem! RT your post 🙂
Glad you can relate and are doing better now! Thank you for reading 💙
You make some very valid points and especially in today’s society. I think we’ve all been here at some point in life. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for reading!💙
I love the J Cole references lol its different. This was a good read. I wish more parents focused on self esteem building from a young age
It’s so important yet so overlooked! Thank you so much for reading, glad you enjoyed it!💙
I wrote out this long comment then my daughter called and it didn’t submit smh. Beautiful post. Fill your mind positive things, surround yourself with positive things. Joyce Meyer says the mind is a battlefield. Fill your mind with the good stuff first because the bad always finds their way in.
Haha thank you for taking the time to do that! It is definitely a battlefield! Thank you so much!
You always know what to say Tisha 🙂 “Apparently” is one of my favorites songs by J. Cole! This song is so inspiring, has wisdom in every word, and I’m so glad you felt this and turned it into this beautiful text! I admire you 🙂 God bless you always!
Thank you so much! Kind & supportive words as always! Glad you enjoyed it- it’s such a beautiful song!!!💙💙💙